Holding Space

With Shelly Vaughn

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Looking Forward

I forgot to post from last week’s treatment… so I’ll do it tonight before tomorrow’s treatment. My friend, Christina Dawson, came with me. She was so helpful at the beginning of this diagnosis- helping me navigate this foreign world and connecting me with resources I have used over the last few months. It was nice to spend time with her as we’re nearing the end of chemo. I have 3 more treatments left now. I can do this… I can do 3 more!

The most notable improvement has been with my mouth sores. They are getting better and I am able to enjoy eating some foods. Mostly bland foods, but at least I can eat. My stomach is still getting used to knowing what to do with solids, but this will all improve over time.

My body is still very weak because of my weight loss and fatigue. I look forward to feeling well enough to start working out again and building some muscle. I’m not used to feeling so weak and tired for so long. The other side effects- neuropathy and bone pain continue to be tolerable.

One other difference- if you look very closely in just the right light you can see hair growing back on my head. It’s so light blonde that you can barely tell it’s there. I will continue to wash with shampoo and conditioner… can’t let a few hairs get greasy. Go Cavs and Go Pens! This is an exciting time of year… for a lot of things.

Addendum: not 10 minutes after I wrote that, I was complaining to Rob about how sore my fingernails are and whining that I don’t want to go to treatment tomorrow. I fluctuate from positive to negative just like that. Or maybe I’m always feeling some of both. Hard to describe, but it is what it is.

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That may look like it’s just my sister playing with our girls. But that woman right there is so much more than that. She’s my identical twin, which means when she comes to Ohio to visit there’s literally another one of me here. Another human who does things pretty much the same way I do. I’ve been too tired to really play with my girls the way I want to… but she does! I’m just a little too down lately to belt out random songs in a key that’s nowhere near accurate…. but she does! And I don’t have the energy (or referee patience) to stand and play 4-square with the girls… but she can. Today I watched her play 4-square as I sat half-asleep in a nearby chair, remembering what seemed like the hours we played with our brother and cousin, Amy, at the Cool Valley playground every summer. Such a simple game, so many hours of fun. Another moment now that reminds me of my cousin and my childhood. I wish you all could’ve known Amy- she was my example of courage. I think she’d get a kick out of watching our children playing this together. And I love when those kinds of memories come to mind. As much as I wish I wasn’t going through this, I can appreciate the fact that it’s triggering sweet memories…. or maybe it’s just slowing me down enough to recognize and appreciate the memories when they sneak in.


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Special Visitors!


Special visitors today! Aunt Dolly and Uncle Bruce drove from PA this afternoon- bringing pot pies, applesauce, a lesson in Oreo dessert making, and some Strawpump love. She gave me her t-shirt and pinwheel from the Pgh Komen breast cancer walk that she did (you can see in the pics). Bonus that Trisha and her girls were visiting at the same time. Some days feel extra special… this is one of them.