Holding Space

With Shelly Vaughn

Be Patient…

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This is what a chemo treatment looks like after the scales have tipped with more treatments behind me than in front of me. And sweet to share it with one of my closest friends, Cinnamon Leonard. Not much different to report today. The oncologist confirmed that I’m doing everything right for my mouth sores, but this stubborn one under my tongue is just a bad one that’s taking a while to heal. She advised me to be patient and “give it time”. Time is funny- it just keeps going. Sometimes it flies by (like how are my girls almost done with the school year already)? And sometimes it’s a snail’s pace (like the last 15 min of a long boring class that seem to take an eternity). Well, chemo is definitely in the “boring class” category. To me, it feels like this is taking forever and it’s depressing to think I’m barely past the halfway point. Julie Nawrocky Reis‘s wise words to “be patient with my body” have become another mantra of mine. I just want to feel better and move this along. But it’s out of my control and I have to be patient with my treatment plan. In my narrow-focused view, I get caught up in the thoughts that I haven’t well in 4 months and this mouth sore has been here for so long. But in the view of the big picture, I need to remember that my body is doing crazy stuff now- like cells being killed off then regenerating healthy ones; and hemoglobin counts recuperating within 6 days; and that thank goodness I’ve still fought off any kind of infection that could put me in the hospital. God really did make miraculous creations with our bodies. Though mine is still in the fight, it’s not losing, it’s just getting bruised up while I’m here and those will heal when I’m done. And it’s not just physically but spiritually as well. I’m paraphrasing here, but Rick Atchley said something like “doubts mean you’re wrestling and wrestling makes you stronger.” Isn’t that so true?! I guess I’m going to be stronger than ever after this!  So I appreciate all the words of encouragement, positivity, and God’s goodness because I need those externally when they’re not coming easily from me internally. Thanks to Kara Ulmer and my mom for reminding me of that today. Love you all. Enjoy eating this week- it’s such an under appreciated gift!

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